A Nervous System Rewired by Fear

All the other boys were using their eyes to track the body language of the others and all 4 were energetically involved with what each other  was saying plus their general excitement level. It was a good game of energy tennis between the 4. All 4 of the other boys were of slight build, toned and full of youthful energy. The 5th boy, he wasn't tracking any of the other's body language or eye movements whatsoever.......he was simply zoned out and looking at the table or his phone. He was confused, lost and withdrawn.

 

This isolated boy had sadness in his energy field and he was not as toned or in as good a shape as the others. This isolated young man wasn't able to connect with his peers, his environment or the fun energy at the table. He was there physically at the table with his friends, but he had lost the ability to connect with them, share their stories or share their excitement of living life. Such disconnection also comes along with excessive body fat and lowered muscle tone, through the same stress reactions that cause the zoned-out and disconnected brain function.

 

Yes this disconnected boy could have been high or drunk, but I really didn't get that impression at all, as generally he wasn't showing signs of anything other than nervous system withdrawal. This is a common inhibitory response to longer bouts of fear, panic, terror and trauma. The earlier this exposure in childhood, the greater the impact on our behavior in adulthood. I was also just like this young man at one time, so I know these inhibitions to living a full life and connecting with the people around me.

 

Dating or marrying someone like this, comes with its own very particular set of challenges. People like this, who have a hard time connecting with everyone (including their romantic partner) are extremely difficult to stay in a long-term relationships with.

 

Most romances with people like this end in break up or divorce, so it's important to have a punch list of characteristics to use in order to assess if your partner is carrying this fear based nervous system. It's also important to know how to safety navigate a relationship with someone like this, if you happen decide to walk that road. If you don't know anything about childhood fear, panic and terror (and how it changes the brain)....and you happen to date someone like this.......it's going to be very confusing for you. Often it's challenging but in many cases it's worth it to work through emotional issues with people like this. Divorce is expensive, if someone is already inside a marriage with a traumatized person. Again, that trauma and fear modified nervous system is often acquired through childhood experiences, which the person may not even remember......or acknowledged negative emotional impacts they shrug off as "no big deal".