With 9-10 hours of public talk time coming up this weekend, lots of research was investigated. And during the research I discovered something disturbing about myself, which is often the case when you research mind control, self sabotage, trauma etc etc. I discovered that my mind is almost permanently wired in a fear based response because of my very terrorizing and frightening childhood.
I was always afraid as a kid (tough place to grow up in, some addiction in the home etc) and because of that, my brain structure was changed radically, if not permanently. When I realized this, I had to think pretty hard about the pros and cons of that. Obviously the cons are less enjoyment of life in general and an early death, because stress hormones kill earlier than not having them race through your blood stream. So two pretty big cons. But the pros were also there as well, with a fear based work ethic, which has brought me the protection I needed to now maybe stop being so fearful. Sad on one hand and on the other hand, I’ve already built the “frame work” for a successful life, which now I might as well take advantage of. I have “nice everything” in life already because of my fear based work ethic, so now I just need to work on enjoying it. One step complete, one more to go. Half way home.
What I also realized was that I had developed an odd super power. I can see “traps” and “con jobs” at a super human pace because that’s what a mind trapped in fear can do……it becomes hyper vigilant to attack. My big picture dot connecting, (that my readers enjoy learning about) which I apply to all the con jobs inside the control grid, could only be done by a brain shaped by chronic fear. I sad way to live your life on one hand but on the other hand, I can smell a con job 10 miles away…….and that has helped me and countless others who read my work. Self realization and reconnecting with self is such a big part of the self sabotage discovery process. The big weekend draws near. Full weekend workshop, all about overcoming self sabotage.